For the most part I'm going to try to keep the spiritual stuff to a minimum on here, because I know I would get annoyed with reading it if all this blog contained was 'you can do it!' and 'never give up!' kind of talk, but when you feel it, you feel it. Today I was really feeling it.
The lesson given in Relief Society today was from a talk in the June 2013 Ensign by Brent H. Nielson called "Move Forward with Faith." It talks about the roundabouts. He and his wife served their couple mission in New Zealand where there are many roundabouts which they never really encountered before. They would spend lots of time in the roundabouts because they were lost and whatnot. There are roundabouts here in Rexburg and although I've never done this, you can ride around in it almost as many times as you want.
What roundabouts do I have in my life? What things are keeping me from my destination? What things am I too comfortable with that I stay in the roundabout instead of get out and progress? Many things were mentioned, like missions, marriage, dating etc. but I am not too concerned with those. I am however concerned with graduating, my future career, and my future babes.
Graduation
First off let me just say that I am sick of BYU Idaho. I'm sick of Rexburg and the culture here.It's been a fun journey but I like the thought of moving on. Even though I like the thought of moving on it really scares me. I love my husband dearly, but sometimes it's hard for me to have faith that he is going to be as successful as he thinks he will be. I'm nervous that he wont get the best job, and that he will have to settle for something less. He sometimes is too good at turning to his last resort.
I'm also scared to be done with school. I have been a student for most of my life. I'm pretty good at it, but in 2 months I will be at my internship site, at a family practice, putting my knowledge to the test. I have pretty great fears of being inadequate. I hate starting work at a new place because I hate feeling lost and like I can't stand on my own two feet, and I have never worked in healthcare before. It scares the life out of me to think that I will soon be in the real world getting involved in my career. This is all slightly relative because I'm probably going to go back to school to become an ultrasound technician, but I can only handle one hurdle at a time.
I realized today that I need to replace my fear with faith. It's probably as easy as it sounds, but knowing me I will complicate it. I need to have faith that my husband is doing everything that he can and that in return the Lord will do everything that he can. I know he has a plan for us, but it's hard not knowing the details of the plan. I'm the kind of girl that needs to iron out most of the kinks before hand otherwise I stress. I also need to have faith that I am being adequately trained here at BYUI and that I will be prepared when I enter into the workforce. I know I will get the hang of it and that they expect me to be new at it on my internship, so I should stop worrying and just replace my fear with faith.
I'm grateful for the gospel and the comfort that it brings me and I am grateful for the church because of the support that it lends. I'm so incredibly grateful for the Atonement of the Savior. This is another area that I need to replace my fear with faith. I have failed so many times to change and to turn away from sin and be better, but I need to remember if I am willing, the Lord will shape me. I just need to remember to submit. I know that I am on the right path and that He is proud of my accomplishments, but he is not through with me yet. I am not done being refined and I am not done with this fight to become as perfect as I can be.
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