Nearer, My God to Thee

This hymn has been my favorite ever since I recognized it from Titanic... My reasons for liking it have changed, but it remains my favorite. Today I feel grateful. So incredibly grateful. My heart is full. 

First I'll start with how lucky we are to be in our new ward. Being in married student wards was hard. Everyone seemed to already have their friends and it seemed like too much effort to try and make friends when we would be moving in 6 months. This ward has been my very favorite. We moved into Mesa Falls as a brand new apartment. Our ward is a brand new ward. We are all new and vulnerable and looking for friends. 

I also think I love this ward because I am putting so much more into it. We never had the drive to make an effort to attend church regularly and to do more than the bare minimum. Well, you reap what you sow. I teach relief society, I attend relief society activities and most ward activities, and I try to get to know the girls in the ward. It has been so rewarding. I am so happy in this ward, but I now know that I will be happy in any ward if I will put in the effort to bloom where I am planted. 

Today's lesson was about the importance of the sacrament. I have felt the spirit so much in this relief society and of course today was no different, but I felt the need to put my feelings into words on my blog of what I found to be most important from what I learned. We talked about making the Sacrament personal. There is a great quote from the Joseph Fielding Smith manual that says:

"There isn't one of us I take it that hasn't done something wrong and then been sorry and wished we hadn't. Then our consciences strike us and we have been very, very miserable. have you gone through that experience? I have... But here we have the Son of God carrying the burden of my transgressions and your transgressions... His greatest torment was not the nails in his hands or in his feet, as bad as they were, but the torment of mind in some way that is not clear to me. But he carried the burden- our burden. I added something to it, so did you. So did everybody else. He took it upon himself to pay the price that I might escape- that you might escape- the punishment on the conditions that we will receive his gospel and be true and faithful in it.

Now that's what I'm trying to think about. Thats what I'm remembering- the excruciating agony when he was crying in his prayer to his Father to let the cup pass. He's not pleading just for relief from driving nails in his hands or in his feet, he had a more severe torment than all of that. It is impossible for weak mortals, and we are all weak, to fully comprehend the extent of the suffering of the Son of God. We cannot realize the price he had to pay."

The atonement is personal. He did it for me. He felt what I have felt. All of the stupid things that I have done and all of the bad things that have happened to me he has felt. It would be so hard to have the guilt and hurt that we have all had and no way to make it better, but we do because of the Savior.

"Nearer, my God to thee, Nearer to thee! E'en though it be a cross That raiseth me. Still all my song shall be Nearer my God to thee. Nearer, my God, to thee, Nearer to thee!"

I have sang that song countless times but have never felt what I have felt today. Even though it be a cross that raiseth me. I feel so honored that he would die for me so that I can be raised up. The only way to get nearer to Him is the cross, more so the atonement. He suffered pain I cannot even imagine so that I could be lifted up, forgiven, and return to him again. 

Today, I am motivated to be better. I have felt sorrow for my sins, but today I do not feel sorrow for being so greatly unworthy for his love. I just feel thankful. I feel empowered. He died for me so that I could be better. So that I could find a way to escape the punishment. I will continue each day to try and live up to what he knows I can be. I am more grateful that my words can express. There is no way that I can truly thank the Savior for what he has done, but I will continue to try and live how he would want me to.